"Dear Lord
I know that we don't exactly see eye-to-eye,
Given that I don't believe that you exist and all that,
But I would like to ask you for something if i may?
It's something that's been irking me for some while now
Although I guess that you already know that
You being all-knowing and stuff
So I'm not really sure why I am asking you this
Because you already know what I want from you
Or do you?
Are you just pretending to be an all-knowing god?
Because if you did already know, then praying to you would be a waste of time
Wouldn't it?
Anyway, just in case you don't know I'm going to ask you anyhow
Actually that brings me to another point.
I was under the impression that you had a big plan
If I am asking you for something that is not in your plan then what happens?
Will you change your plan to suit me?
Or will you just continue with your plan?
If the latter, then what is the point of me praying to you?
If the former, then thanks a lot, but what if someone else prays for your plan to stay the same?
Who wins then?
I think you can see that I am confused about this prayer thing, so any help you can give me to understand better would be appreciated.
But I digress dear Lord.
What I would like is for you to make it that the National Day of Prayer is ruled unconstitutional.
If you could to that for me (even if it's not in your plan) I would be very grateful.
I know your Christian followers will be mightily pissed, but come on, separation of church and state and all that.
Unless you don't think that's correct and that government should follow your Word
In which case I'm fucked then.
But please, if you could see your way to granting my prayer I'll owe you a pint when I get to heaven.
I am going to heaven am I not?
If you could let me know about that in advance I can make sure that I enjoy it down here while I have the chance.
Well that's about it from me, talking to myself like this feels quite weird
But cheers for listening mate
Er, I think I'm supposed to sign off with some kind of ritual phrase like "I pray in Jesus' name" or something like that
I hope I got that right
If I got it wrong, will it invalidate my prayer?
Oh, and if you are Allah, not the one I think I'm praying to, can you just grant my prayer request anyway?
It was an honest mistake
I mean, it's not as if there is any evidence for any of you anyway
Cheers dude"
I must have been praying to the correct god, because he answered my prayers. Yay the lord.
Friday, April 16, 2010
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Dear Lord
I also love it when I ask you for something, but it's got to be something good and not selfish. I know I can ask for help with things like getting better when I am sick, or help to study harder or to be a better person, but not for things like 'winning the lotto' even when I do a prayer promise when I am filling my numbers out, that if I win I will give half of it to charity. Maybe if i said all of it to charities, then I would win, but that wouldnt be much fun for me would it, but that's okay cos its not the sort of fun I should really be wanting is it - i mean - hey, what can you do that's okay with you, with a few million pounds. The only right thing to do is give it all to the poor anyway... where was I.
Oh yes, prayer. It's good that I can ask for the RIGHT THINGS, but that if my prayer doesnt come true it's because you have decided, using wisdom, that the thing I asked for was 'not right for me at this time' or 'the wrong thing for me as a person', so when I don't get the 'thing' it not because you werent listening, or even don't exist, it's because you thought better of it...
and of course, when I DO get the thing, like last week when I prayed for those headache tablets to make my headache go away - AND THEY DID, it's because you have ANSWERED my prayer, and this then reinforces the truth that you exist and are listening to my every word. Gee. Thanks for being there, big guy. :)
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