LONDON (The Big E). Taking a lesson from the pope's recent visit to Malta and the scandal about a phallic sculpture the Vicar of Christ might have seen, the British government has taken a bold step to avoid further controversy.
The pope is due to visit the UK in September, already under difficult circumstances as he is the head of an organized pedophilia crime ring.
This minor controversy pales into insignificance in the face of such obvious phallic monstrosities that are common in Britain, and which might possibly offend the pope's sensibilities.
The British government has ordered the temporary removal of all penis-shaped monuments, towers, chimneys and in fact anything that might be mistaken for an erect cock by a pope type figure.
If he had been interviewed by The Big E, we think that Foreign Secretary David Miliband might have responded, "He (the pope) is an important dignitary and a visiting head of some kind of state-like thing. We would hate for him to suffer any embarrassment while he comes over here to fiddle with our kids."
Miliband might have gone on to say something like, "We will be taking down Big Ben, Nelson's Column and Cleopatra's Needle for the duration of the pope's visit. Once he's buggered off home we will re-erect them restoring them to their former pride."
This radical approach has its critics who have not been slow to point out the huge cost to British tax payers.
An alternative approach has been suggested to crowd the "offending" objects with thousand's of choir boys, thus hopefully distracting the pope's attention from the cock-shaped obelisks while he gazes lustfully on the beauty of small children.
We imagine Miliband to also have said, "We are encouraging factory owners with big smoke-stack chimneys to have these removed during the pope's tour of our proud country."
Additional reporting from Paul, our Foreign Penis Shaped Things Correspondent
1 comment:
And why am *I* not this correspondent?! Is this your subtle 'coming out' post?
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